One of the arguments for not praising, is that children will become dependent on extrinsic rewards and will only do the behaviour for the praise.  Therefore, in the absence of praise, the children will no longer behave appropriately and any change in behaviour will be short-lived.

However, when given effectively (as described in our blog series) praise is a great encourager, which can result in long-term change as the children gradually begin to internalise the sense of accomplishment they feel when they’ve been praised.

ENCOURAGING SELF-PRAISE

For children to be motivated by intrinsic (internal) rewards, it is important to encourage them to self-praise. For example, “You must be really proud of the way you worked out that tricky maths problem.”  Or at home, “You handled that situation in the park really well; give yourself a pat on the back.”  Encouraging children to be proud of their accomplishments, motivates them to do things for their own sense of achievement, rather than for any extrinsic (external) rewards.  This means they will be better motivated to achieve in life.

MODELLING SELF-PRAISE

Children are keen observers of how we behave, therefore, modelling self-praise is a great way to encourage children to do it too.  We are all quick to self-criticise and you may think that self-praise means we are being big-headed or conceited.  However, self-praise recognises when we have done something well, or are proud of our achievements. When children hear us self-praise, it lets them know that it is okay for them to pat themselves on the back or feel proud when they’ve done well.  Hearing a teacher say “I worked hard to plan that lesson and I think it went really well.” or a parent say, “I did a great job of painting the hallway.” helps children learn how to self-evaluate and internalise motivation.

GROWTH MINDSET

Having a growth mindset is a more reliable predictor of success than IQ (Intelligence Quotient), but what is it? And, can it be developed?

What is it?

A Growth Mindset means that you believe that your abilities can be improved; that how good you are at something depends on how much effort you put into it. In other words, it is dependent on your own actions.  On the contrary, a Fixed Mindset is when you believe that you are either good at something or you aren’t; that the ability is inherent in your nature – in other words ’fixed’.

People with a Growth Mindset are more likely to keep trying in the face of adversity, or persevere when faced with a difficult problem.  It is, therefore, easy to see how having a Growth Mindset means you’re more likely to be successful in life.

How Can We Develop a Growth Mindset Using Praise?

We can develop a growth mindset in children by the way we praise them.

Praising the process and the child’s efforts, rather than the end result, is the most effective way that we can do this.  For example, at home, “Ali, you’ve practiced really hard; it’s great you can now ride your bicycle.” However, it’s important we link the praise to the end result, whether they improve or not. For example, at school “Irfan, you worked really hard on that maths problem, let’s think about what else you could try.”

Process praise can really make a difference to children’s beliefs and motivation, so go ahead and try it out!

AND FINALLY…

We hope you have enjoyed our series on how to use praise effectively and have found the information helpful. Praise is a quick and easy tool you can use, both at school and at home.  As we have shown, praise has many benefits including; increased motivation, building self-esteem, and it can also help to change those challenging behaviours that we all face from time to time with our children! Furthermore, it makes us feel better too by focusing on the positive!

COMBINING PRAISE WITH CRITICISM

Often, particularly when it has taken several attempts to get a child to do what we have asked, we can’t resist the opportunity to have a final ‘dig’ and so we combine praise with criticism, e.g. “Thank you for lining up, Billy. Maybe next time you can come the first time I ask!” And at home “Well done for tidying your room, Sophie. If you had done it sooner, it wouldn’t have taken you so long!”

Following praise with criticism negates the positive effects of praise, discourages the child from repeating the behaviour and leaves the child feeling deflated.  Are they being praised or criticised?

Next time, just say the praise and keep the extra dig to yourself!

NOT BEING SINCERE WITH PRAISE

Sometimes, because we are busy doing other things, our praise may lack enthusiasm and therefore appear insincere, losing its effectiveness.  As a teacher marking books during break, if a child comes up to you and says “Look at the swimming certificate I got at the weekend”, it is easy to just carry on marking and, without looking up say, “That’s great, well done!”  At home, if you are busy reading a letter and your child comes and says “Look at the picture I did at school today!” you might just carry on reading and say, “That’s lovely.” This kind of a response shows you’re not really interested and can leave a child feeling dejected and unworthy of your attention.  When giving praise, make sure you make it genuine; look at the child (and whatever they’re showing you, where appropriate), smile and be enthusiastic – in other words be interested.  If you really can’t stop what you’re doing at that moment, tell them.  Say something like “I just need to finish this but I really want to see the certificate/picture, so if you can wait just a minute/come back in five minutes, I’ll be able to look at it properly.”

SAVING PRAISE FOR PERFECTION

Often parents and teachers will say something like, “I save my praise for when they have done something really worth praising.” They believe that this encourages a child to strive for the best.  In fact, the opposite can be true.   People seldom reach perfection without many smaller accomplishments along the way. Our not noticing those smaller achievements may cause a child to give up and the opportunity to praise may never come.  For example, when a teacher waits for a child who struggles with their spellings to get full marks in their test, they may be waiting for ever. However, if they praise their improvement each week, the child will feel encouraged and be much more likely to be successful.

At home, when a child is learning how to make their own bed, they are unlikely to do a perfect job; praising their efforts is more likely to encourage them to keep doing it and eventually, they’ll get it right.

Praising the process of trying to achieve something, rather than the end result, encourages the child to keep trying.  It also helps develops a “Growth Mindset”, which we will talk about next time.

To make praise as effective as possible, it is important that you label it.

In other words, tell children exactly what it is you are praising them for.  Simply saying “Good Boy” or “Well Done” does not have the same impact as saying, “Well done for remembering to put your hand up.” Or, at home, “Well done for taking your plate out to the kitchen.”

When children hear exactly what it is they are being praised for, they are much more likely to remember the praise, remember what it was they did to earn the praise and do it again the next time!

REMEMBER TO USE THE CHILD’S NAME

Use the child’s name to make sure you have their attention and that they know you are talking to them (especially if there is more than one child present, such as in a whole class situation, or where siblings or playmates are around): “Jack, well done for putting your books away.” And at home: “Michael, I’m proud of you for helping your sister with her homework.”  You could also add a “Thank you” to let them know you appreciate it…. “Samuel, thank you for coming to the carpet when I asked you; well done.” “Emily, well done for setting the table, I really appreciate that.”

GIVING SURPRISE PRAISE

Praising children when they are not expecting it, rather than just in response to them complying with your requests, is also powerful.  For example, if a child at school is knuckling down to their work really well, you could say, “Matt, I’m really impressed with the way you are working; well done!” and at home, if a child is colouring quietly at the table, instead of quietly sneaking away to get on with something, you could say, “Frankie, you are colouring so well; that’s fantastic!”.  Receiving this surprise positive attention reminds children of the behaviour you want to see and motivates them to keep going.  It also means that you are giving attention for positive behaviour.  As a result, in school, children know that being on task results in attention and, at home, your child doesn’t have to resort to colouring on the walls to get your attention – a strategy that is sure to work! Remember, what you pay attention to is what you will get more of!

WHAT ABOUT THE MORE CHALLENGING CHILDREN?

Both teachers and parents have said, “But he/she is always so badly behaved, I can’t find anything to praise him/her for!”

For the more challenging children, or those where it is difficult to find the occasion to praise, it is especially important to look for opportunities to praise by ‘spotting the good’.  Even the most difficult children aren’t difficult 100% of the time and there must be times when they behave appropriately, so it is crucial that when they do, you are quick to notice and acknowledge their behaviour with praise: “Well done for sitting nicely in your seat, Amar.” And at home, “Sam, thank you for remembering to take your shoes off before you went upstairs.” Spotting the good and rewarding it with positive attention in the form of praise means they are much more likely to repeat the behaviour in the future.  It also helps boost their self-esteem, which can sometimes be very low in more challenging children, as well as building a positive relationship between you both.

COULD YOU BE REINFORCING NEGATIVE BEHAVIOUR?

Remember, you could also be inadvertently reinforcing their inappropriate behaviour by giving it your attention, albeit negative – remember the Attention Rule? Giving negative attention to children who exhibit challenging behaviour can create a negative cycle; they behave inappropriately and get your attention, which leads to more inappropriate behaviour to get more negative attention and so on, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy of a “Challenging Child”. It is important that you break this cycle by spotting and reinforcing any good behaviour, as well as reducing your attention for negative behaviour.  This may be easier said than done, but well worth the effort in the long-term! (Remember to look out for our blog on Effective Ignoring, which will help.)

WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN WHO FIND PRAISE DIFFICULT TO ACCEPT?

Some children, for a variety of reasons, may find praise difficult to accept.  They may have low self-esteem and feel they don’t deserve it; they could have social, emotional and mental health issues or attachment issues and feel unworthy or suspicious of the motives behind the praise.  At school, if you have children who don’t get praised at home, or indeed receive a lot of negative attention or criticism from parents or caregivers, they may begin to believe that they are no good and, again, feel undeserving.  Other children may feel a bit embarrassed by the praise.  This doesn’t mean that you should not praise these children. On the contrary, these children need praise even more.  However, you do need to be careful with how you go about it.  We like to call this the ’drip-drip effect’: Imagine you have a dried-up sponge and you turn the tap on it full blast, the water will come splashing off it.  If, however, you drip the water slowly onto it a little at a time, it will begin to absorb it. You can use more subtle forms of praise – a thumbs up, a pat on the shoulder, a smile – gradually the praise will begin to have an effect.  You will need to be patient and not take any rejection personally.

’Earshot Praise’, which we will talk about in our next blog, also works well in these situations.