According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs[2], we all have the need to belong. This is particularly salient for young people. When this basic human need isn’t met in positive environments, like home or school, young people will seek it elsewhere – often finding it in gangs.

Studies have shown that young people often join gangs not primarily to offend, but to belong. Gangs offer identity, protection, and a sense of family that may be missing in other parts of their lives. A 2019 University of Birmingham study[3] described gang membership as “a site of belonging” that gives young people feelings of respect, worth, and pride.

Restorative Approaches provide a healthier, safer alternative. By building inclusive school cultures where every voice matters and everyone feels valued, RA creates a sense of belonging that prevents the pull towards gang membership and, ultimately, violence.  According to The All Party Parliamentary Group for Knife Crime [4], “Schools have a vital role to play in the effort to prevent and tackle serious youth violence.”

Furthermore, restorative practices give young people a chance to truly understand the impact of their actions on others – those directly involved, as well as the wider community. Instead of punishment that alienates, they experience connection through conversations that highlight real human consequences. When a young person hears directly from the person they’ve harmed how their actions have made them feel, empathy is awakened. This deeper understanding can shift attitudes in a way that sanctions never will.

Knife crime isn’t solved by confiscating blades or making them more difficult to come by (after all, where there’s a will, there’s a way!). It’s solved by reducing the will and addressing trauma, disconnection, and lack of emotional regulation. Restorative Approaches do just that: they help young people build empathy, foster accountability, understand and regulate their emotions, and anchor themselves in a community that values them.

Punitive Responses Vs Restorative Connection

Punitive responses to knife crime often focus on exclusion or legal penalties. While they may address immediate safety, they can intensify feelings of isolation, resentment, and disconnection and thus strengthen the very gang affiliations that contribute to violence. In fact, evidence shows that exclusion and isolation can strengthen a young person’s identification with gangs, pushing them towards groups that promise protection and belonging, especially when they already feel rejected by authority or school. Research in BMC Public Health (2020)[5] found that strong parental attachment, school engagement and supportive relationships act as protective factors against weapon-carrying. In contrast, disconnection and exclusion increase the risk and can drive young people towards groups that fill that emotional void.

RA approaches the problem differently: harm is acknowledged, relationships are repaired where possible, and accountability is built through understanding rather than fear.

A Case in Point

For instance, consider a scenario where a young person has threatened another student with a knife. In a purely punitive system, the focus would be on exclusion or legal consequences, which might increase alienation and resentment. In a restorative process, the young person (the ‘harmer’) would sit in a safe, facilitated meeting with the person they harmed (‘harmee’). They would hear firsthand about the fear and trauma caused, and they would have the opportunity to explain their own feelings, fears or pressures that led to the behaviour. Together, the group would explore what could be done to repair trust and ensure safety, as well as how they might do things differently next time. Such a conversation does not excuse the behaviour, but it transforms the experience into accountability, empathy building, and an opportunity for change.

Prevention Rather than Cure

Prevention is always the best option and, rather than simply addressing the situation once a knife has been used (or threatened), RA goes to work before it reaches that point; it seeks to prevent young people from picking up knives in the first place. Children are, by nature, egocentric and therefore rarely think about the impact of their actions on others. Traditional punitive approaches to discipline intensify this by focusing all the attention on the harmer. Restorative conversations, however, bring the harmee into the mix and gives them an opportunity to be heard.  By always defaulting to a restorative conversation, instead of more punitive responses, children and  young people learn to understand the impact of their actions on others; they become less egocentric and more empathetic and, consequently, less likely to act impulsively, or, indeed, have it within them to pick up a knife as a weapon. Furthermore, giving the harmee the opportunity to be heard helps them feel valued too and helps them to gain an understanding as to why the behaviour happened in the first place, as well as receive reassurance that it won’t happen again. All the things that don’t happen in traditional punitive systems.

Discussing their feelings (at the time and now) helps young people to connect their feelings with their behaviour and allows them to understand how their feelings impact their behaviour, thus increasing their emotional literacy and ability to regulate their emotions. Again, this reduces the likelihood of them acting impulsively but also adds another protective factor which, in turn, increases their resilience[6].

The Science of Connection

The efficacy of the restorative approach is backed by neuroscience. The human brain is wired for connection. When children experience safe, empathetic relationships, their brains develop the pathways needed for emotional regulation and social understanding [7]. In contrast, punitive environments often create stress and fear – states that shut down the very parts of the brain needed for reflection and growth.

Neuroscience also aligns with social research: belonging isn’t just an emotional luxury – it’s a biological necessity. When young people feel safely connected, their brains release oxytocin and activate regions linked to empathy and regulation. When they feel excluded or threatened, stress responses dominate, reinforcing defensive or impulsive behaviours such as knife-carrying or aggression. Restorative conversations rebuild those neural pathways of safety and trust; literally rewiring the brain for empathy and connection.

In an era where digital communication is overtaking face-to-face interaction, helping children develop their “social brain” has never been more important. Restorative conversations, with their focus on open, respectful dialogue, offer a simple yet powerful way to do this.

Building Belonging as Prevention

Building belonging is, therefore, not a soft alternative to enforcement; it’s a proven form of prevention. While knife crime and gang involvement are often linked, national data shows that only around 5% of knife crime with injury in London was gang-related[8], highlighting that the underlying issue is broader: disconnection. By focusing on connection, through restorative practice, strong school relationships, and community inclusion, we address the root cause, not just the symptom.

What’s Next?

Community leaders, educators, and policymakers must look beyond punitive approaches. By investing in restorative practices, we not only reduce violence and gang membership, increase empathy and responsibility but also give young people the sense of belonging and resilience they need.

Behaviour Matters has been helping schools implement Restorative Approaches, including training children as Peer Mediators, for over 12 years. If you’d like to learn more about how it might benefit your school, youth club or youth centre, I’d love to chat. Please give me a call on 07432033569 or drop me an email at leanneguillen@behaviourmatters.org.uk

REFERENCES:

[1] McVie, S. (2010). Gang membership and knife carrying: Findings from the Edinburgh Study of Youth Transitions and Crime. Scottish Centre for Crime and Justice Research

[2] Maslow, A. H. (1943). A theory of human motivation. Psychological Review, 50(4), 370–396.

[3] Hallsworth, S. & Young, T. (2019). Gang Talk and Gang Research: A Critique. Crime, Media, Culture, 15(1), 151–168

[4] All-Party Parliamentary Group (APPG) on Knife Crime. (2019). Back to School? Breaking the link between school exclusions and knife crime. The Ben Kinsella Trust.

[5] Ward, J., Tinkler, S., & Simkiss, D. (2020). Protective and risk factors for youth violence and weapon carrying among adolescents: A systematic review. BMC Public Health, 20(1), 145

[6]  Daniel, S.K., Abdel-Baki, R. & Hall, G.B. The Protective Effect of Emotion Regulation on Child and Adolescent Wellbeing. J Child Fam Stud 29, 2010–2027 (2020).

[7] Cozolino, L. (2014). The Neuroscience of Human Relationships: Attachment and the Developing Social Brain. W. W. Norton & Co.  and Decety, J., & Cowell, J. M. (2015). Empathy, Justice, and Moral Behavior. AJOB Neuroscience, 6(3), 3–14 and Carter, C. S. (2014). Oxytocin pathways and the evolution of human behavior. Annual Review of Psychology, 65, 17–39.

[8] Mayor’s Office for Policing and Crime (MOPAC). (2020). Knife Crime Strategy: Data Summary

Durlak, J. A., et al. (2011). The Impact of Enhancing Students’ Social and Emotional Learning: A Meta-Analysis of School-Based Universal Interventions. Child Development, 82(1), 405–432

The Restorative Approach as a Whole School Ethos

The Restorative Approach is often seen simply as a way to manage conflict or misbehaviour in schools but is in fact far more than that. When truly embraced, it becomes a way of being in a school, where the whole school ethos is centred around relationships, reparation and responsibility. This builds connection, community, and provides children with the protective factors they so desperately need. Schools are in a unique and powerful position to help children develop the resilience necessary to survive, and thrive, during times of adversity.

A true Restorative Approach is not a tool to pick up when things go wrong. It is part of the everyday interactions within a school. It’s how staff talk and listen to students, how students talk to each other, and how the whole school community responds when harm occurs. This doesn’t mean there are no boundaries or consequences. But it does mean those consequences are rooted in learning and relationships, not blame, shame or punishment.

As a result, a restorative school culture fosters a sense of belonging, one of the strongest buffers against mental ill-health{3}. It teaches that mistakes are opportunities to learn, that conflict can lead to growth, and that relationships matter. These protective factors build a foundation of resilience, helping children navigate not just school, but life itself.

From Punishment to Restoration

Traditional punitive approaches to discipline tend to focus on blame and punishment: who did wrong and how they should be sanctioned. While this may bring short-term compliance, it rarely creates meaningful and lasting change. Punishment often pushes children away, damages relationships, and fuels feelings of shame or rejection; precisely the factors that increase vulnerability to mental ill-health. Exclusion, detentions, and suspensions may stop immediate misbehaviour, but they do little to teach the skills needed to repair harm or navigate relationships, nor do they help children to see the impact of their actions on others, take responsibility for their actions or develop empathy. In fact, they do the opposite; they push away and alienate those children who particularly need to belong.

Restorative conversations encourage young people to explore how their actions affect others, and to be heard themselves. This fosters emotional literacy and empathy – skills proven to protect against poor mental health (in fact, EQ – Emotional Quotient – is a better predictor of success in later life than IQ – Intelligence Quotient{4}). Furthermore, when children feel heard, valued, and connected to their community, their resilience grows. Instead of being excluded or shamed, they learn to reflect, repair, and restore.

Back to the Roots of ‘Discipline’

After all, the word discipline originally comes from the Latin disciplina, meaning “to teach or instruct” and “to learn”. Discipline was intended to guide and educate, not punish. Over time, however, the term has become almost synonymous with punishment – a shift that has contributed to systems where children are punished rather than guided. RA restores discipline to its original meaning. Instead of asking, “Who is to blame?” it asks, “What happened, who was affected, and what can we do to make things right?” Instead of punishment, RA emphasises learning, reflection, and relationship-building. Restorative conversations give both the harmer and the harmee the opportunity to be heard in a non-judgemental, supportive and safe space. This not only builds and repairs relationships, but helps everyone feel valued, respected and that they belong; these are the very protective factors that research shows help young people thrive.

A Case in Point

Imagine a student hits another student. In a punitive system, the likely response would be detention or exclusion. In other words, imposing a consequence but doing little to explore the reasons behind the behaviour or its impact on the other student. The harmer is given no opportunity to explain what drove their actions or to hear how those actions affected the other student. The harmee is left without a voice; unable to share how the incident made them feel or to receive reassurance that it will not happen again. Neither child’s needs are met, and no steps are taken to repair the harm, rebuild trust and move forward. In essence, the harm remains unresolved.

In contrast, a restorative approach brings the harmer and the harmee together, focusing on dialogue, accountability, and repair. In that safe, non-judgemental space, the harmer is able to reflect on their behaviour, express what they were thinking and feeling at the time, and listen to the perspective of the person they harmed. The harmee has the opportunity to speak openly about the impact, be heard, and receive acknowledgment of their feelings. Together they can work toward understanding and agree steps to make amends, creating the possibility of healing and preventing future harm.

Punitive methods focus on compliance rather than connection. They may stop undesired behaviour temporarily, but they fail to teach the deeper skills of emotional literacy, empathy, or self-regulation. Restorative Approaches address the root causes of misbehaviour, strengthen relationships, give children a sense of belonging and create protective factors that improve mental health and well-being.

What’s Next?

If you are an educator, parent, or policymaker, consider how your school culture responds to behaviour. Ask yourself: does it push children away, or bring them back into the fold? By embedding restorative practices, we can protect mental health, restore the true meaning of discipline, and create stronger, more resilient school communities and children better equipped to face the world.

Behaviour Matters has been helping schools implement Restorative Approaches, including training children as Peer Mediators, for over 12 years. If you’d like to learn more about how it might benefit your school, I’d love to chat. Please give me a call on 07432033569 or dop me an email at leanneguillen@behaviourmatters.org.uk

{1}  Children’s Commissioner for England on Children’s Mental Health Services, 2024

{2}  The Lancet Child and Adolescent Mental Health, 2025

{3}  Allen, KA., Greenwood, C.J., Berger, E. et al. Adolescent School Belonging and Mental Health Outcomes in Young Adulthood: Findings from a Multi-wave Prospective Cohort Study. School Mental Health 16, 149–160 (2024)

{4}  EQ vs. IQ Which is Most Important in the Success of Failure of a Student? Procedia – Social and Behavioural Sciences, 46, 5211-5213 (2012)