Peer Mediation has been around for many years and with more schools now using a restorative approach, peer mediators are becoming increasingly popular. Peer Mediation is a voluntary process, whereby trained mediators work in pairs to help resolve the minor conflicts of their peers.

Mediation uses a restorative approach, which means the pupils find out what happened, the thoughts and feelings behind the behaviour and what both parties feel is needed to put things right. For schools that already use a restorative approach, where behaviour management is underpinned by restorative values, this service will result in a fully restorative ethos across the school. For other schools, it is important that it is compatible with the ethos of the school and that staff take on board the Peer Mediation service and are not reticent about having pupils resolve their own low-level conflicts. It is not about removing power and control from staff, it’s about believing in the children and their ability to resolve their own conflicts when empowered to do so – it’s amazing just how capable young children can be.

Pupils can choose to go to Peer Mediators rather than school staff. This frees up staff time, allowing them to focus on other priorities, whilst also enabling children to learn how to resolve their own conflicts. Whilst the impact is not easy to measure, what we do see is a decrease in incidents and happier children. Teaching staff regularly tell us that they are no longer having so many issues coming back into the classroom after lunch-break, and children are coming back ready to learn.

Why is it important?

Conflict is a normal part of life and children often have to resolve their own conflicts. However, sometimes they will need help to do this, and, if given a choice, often prefer their conflicts to be resolved by a peer rather than a staff member. They feel like their peers will understand them better and feel less likely to get into trouble, as the focus is on resolving the issue and moving on, rather than what they have done.

Becoming a Peer Mediator gives pupils opportunities to learn vital communication and life skills, which are important throughout school and into adulthood. Giving pupils this responsibility not only empowers them, but also builds their self-esteem. By going through mediation, the children learn the skills they need to resolve their own conflicts in the future. They take ownership of the problem and learn that they have a responsibility to make things right.

What does the training entail?

Our training in schools is run over four sessions. We teach the pupils listening skills, understanding and managing anger, as well as conflict resolution. We normally train Year 5 and 6 pupils which ensures there is adequate cover when year groups are out of school. The Year 6 pupils will be the experienced ‘Senior Peer Mediators’ who support and mentor the Year 5’s. We leave each of the children with a handbook and prompt card – useful resources for them to refer to in the future.

We work closely with the schools to help them prepare for the implementation and review the process afterwards. Several issues need consideration before implementation, such as how this fits into the school’s behaviour and anti-bullying policies and who coordinates it. Selecting a reliable and enthusiastic Peer Mediator Coordinator is essential for the service to work well. They will oversee the mediators, meeting with them regularly, so any problems or specific incidents can be discussed.

We have had very positive feedback from pupils we have trained, some of whom helped us make a short film which you can find here:

As teachers or parents, we may find ourselves giving children attention for inappropriate behaviour; spending time talking to the children who are calling out in class, or telling children off for messing with their food at the dining table.  By giving our attention to this unwanted behaviour, we may inadvertently be encouraging it. Instead, we need to remove attention from them (tactically ignore), whilst remembering to praise as soon as we see appropriate behaviour.

WHAT SHOULD WE/SHOULDN’T WE IGNORE?

We must never ignore behaviours that will harm others, themselves or damage property, or behaviour that contradicts the school rules.  Neither should we ignore children who are very distressed – ignoring this can be damaging – as these children may not have the emotional regulation skills they need to deal with their feelings.

Before ignoring, it is important that you look behind the behaviour and consider the needs of the child.  For some children, ignoring could make the situation worse.  Children with attachment difficulties, those who have experienced trauma, or who suffer from anxiety may need attention.  Whilst some children may be attention seeking, others may be attention needing – a crucial difference.  So, teachers, it’s vital you get to know your children and be responsive to their individual needs.

What we can ignore is the low-level, attention-seeking behaviour and the secondary behaviours.  Teachers report the low-level, persistent behaviour as the most problematic; ignoring it may be the best way to eliminate it.  What do we mean by ‘secondary behaviours’?  These are when you’ve asked the child to do something and they respond with a grunt, rolling of eyes, tutting or dragging of feet, perhaps with the occasional kicking of bins! Yes, it’s frustrating, but if the child is following your instruction and doing what you’ve asked, then go with that: Entering into a discussion about the secondary behaviours will only fire up the situation and make things worse.

WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO IGNORE?

Ignoring is a powerful way to change low-level problem behaviour, but it is certainly not easy!

To start with, choose one or two behaviours to ignore.  You will need to start by reminding the child of the behaviour you want and then tactically ignore any unwanted behaviour.  So, if it is calling out in class, you would start off with “Hands up if you can tell me…….”  Then you would ignore those calling out and take answers from those with hands up and reinforce it by praising those children “Thank you for putting your hand up, Kaya, what do think it is?”  As soon as the child you are tactically ignoring puts their hand up, make sure you acknowledge it and praise them.

The best example I have of ignoring in the home was during one of our parenting courses: A mum said the ice-cream van would come every day around tea-time and every day her son would ask for an ice-cream. If they’d already had their tea, she would let him have one, but if they hadn’t she would say, “No, you haven’t had your tea yet.” But her son would continue to ask until she gave in: The perfect scenario to ignore. So, armed, with the strategies and feeling empowered, she decided to try it.  The following week she reported back: On the first day, after being told “No.” her son continued to ask and whine (she estimated over 20 times).  However, she maintained her cool, didn’t argue and ignored all his pleas.  The second day was the same, but the next day and the next he pleaded a lot less and by the fifth or sixth day he didn’t even bother to ask.  By her effectively ignoring, she had eliminated the behaviour in just a few days.

So, how to do it: it is important not to make any eye contact, and stop any conversation or negotiation; don’t enter into an argument, move away from the child (if at home, remain in the same room if possible) do not engage whatsoever with the child – no tutting, rolling eyes, sighing; whilst you may not consider this interaction, it is still attention and it shows the child he is pushing your buttons. Carry on with what you are doing, or distract yourself by doing something, until the child complies.  Remain calm on the outside; even if inside you’re feeling angry – you may need to use calm-down strategies, or use positive ‘self-talk’ to lower your own stress levels!  For younger children, you may need to redirect them.  Once the child shows the appropriate behaviour, it is important to find something to praise them for.  They need positive attention.

WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT?

When you first start ignoring, the behaviour is likely to get worse before it gets better.  This is the child testing your limits; looking for the point at which you will give in.  Make sure you do not give in, as this gives a clear signal to the child that if they just push hard enough, they will get your attention in the end.  You must keep ignoring until the behaviour stops.

Remember, behaviour does not change overnight but, if you are consistent with the ignoring, the behaviour will change as the child learns that there is no “pay-off” for continuing.  Whereas appropriate behaviour does get attention.  Consistency is key!

It is vital that you have a good relationship with the child; if you don’t have a good relationship, then they won’t really care that you are ignoring them. Don’t forget the power of praise – remember to catch those times when you’re getting the behaviour you want and praise, praise, praise!