Child development is a complex process and cannot be explained simply by one or two theories.  There is an interplay of experiences, relationships and genetic factors in everyone’s lives and that leads to the wonderful rich diversity we see in every community.

However, Attachment Theory is one which has been attracting more attention over the last few years, with more and more schools becoming ‘Attachment Aware’ and Attachment Parenting.  Attachment is a concept that has been around for many years, since the psychiatrist, John Bowlby, began his work in the late 1930’s, but what is it? Why is it important? And what do we need to consider when working with children and young people who have attachment difficulties?

WHAT IS ATTACHMENT?

Attachment is the strong, emotional, long-lasting bond which develops between a baby and their caregiver and has lifelong implications linked to feelings of security and safety.  Babies are born with a biological drive to seek protection from an adult figure – someone to look after both their physical and emotional needs.  When these needs are met, the infant ‘attaches’ to their caregiver and this attachment helps them to love and trust others, to understand the world around them, to regulate their own emotions and basically to feel ‘ok’. 

They have what we call a ‘secure attachment’ – a pattern of attachment resulting from thousands of daily interactions with their caregiver. With a secure attachment in place, the child is more likely to grow up to be a confident adult who can make healthy connections with others and feel safe in the world. However, when an infant’s physical and emotional needs are not met, the infant learns that they cannot rely on adults to meet their needs, so they must cope on their own, or develop other ways to get noticed. This all happens subconsciously; the child is unaware of it. These children are said to have an ‘insecure attachment’.

Three different patterns of insecure attachment have been identified.  Firstly, the ‘Insecure Avoidant’ style, is where the child has learnt to cope on their own, as their caregiver may have rejected or been insensitive to the child’s needs.  They are often not noticed in school, as they tend to be quiet and self-sufficient. ‘Insecure Ambivalent’ style is where the child’s focus is mainly on the teacher/caregiver, as they have experienced inconsistent and often unresponsive caregiving and so have the need to monitor relationships carefully. These children tend to remain close to the caregiver/teacher and need a lot of attention and reassurance. These two styles are actually survival strategies that the child has developed in the absence of consistent, reliable care. Finally, we have the ‘Insecure Disorganised’ style, where the child has been unable to develop a specific coping strategy, and which is the most complex pattern of insecure attachment. This normally results from a childhood of neglect or abuse where the carer, who is supposed to be the source of support, is also the person who frightens the child. These children may fluctuate between avoidant and ambivalent behaviours, find it difficult to calm themselves down and are often controlling and aggressive.

The Sutton Trust analysis of research (2014) states that 40% of children in the UK have an insecure attachment to their parents.

THE NEUROBIOLOGY OF ATTACHMENT

Attachment difficulties, sometimes known as Developmental Trauma, can lead to a number of consequences, which are becoming more apparent with advances in research methods. The wonders of neuroscience and the explosion of discoveries over the past 20 years has meant we now know much more about how attachment and trauma affects the development of our brain and how early experiences have lifelong implications on emotional and mental health. The human brain is an amazing organ with a complex network of over 100 billion neurons organised into many interconnected systems. In fact, by the time a child is three years old, the brain is about 80 percent of its adult size.  When a baby or child is exposed to constant stress or trauma, the brain releases an abundance of cortisol and over time, this leads to what is called ‘Toxic Stress’.  Brain development is affected and because of the activation of the stress hormone system, these children are living on constant high-alert – they are what we call ‘hyper-vigilant’.  There are many negative effects of this ‘toxic stress’, such as poor emotional regulation, poor working memory, poor immune system and an unhealthy sense of self, which can lead to other possible psychological issues.  However, our brain is a miraculous organ and we now know that it has the capacity to change – it has plasticity. So, with lots of help and the right support, these issues can be addressed and changed.

So what are some of the symptoms you may see and how can you help these children?  Once we understand what is going on for these children then we can respond in the best possible way.

SYMPTOMS OF ATTACHMENT DIFFICULTIES OR TRAUMA

There are numerous symptoms that could suggest attachment difficulties or trauma in children and these can be similar to other disorders or even normal child developmental stages, so getting a professional assessment is vital for diagnosis. Often these children can be labelled as ‘naughty’ due to the behaviours they exhibit, but remember, behaviour is a means of communication.  Like any other behaviour management strategy, it’s vital we look behind the behaviour to what is driving it. For these children, their behaviour is often driven by fear and anxiety, as well as a deep-rooted sense of shame.

The different patterns of insecure attachment manifest in a variety of different behaviours, however some of the most common symptoms we see are:

• Lack of empathy – these children cannot understand the feelings of others. Empathy is normally learned through early relationships by mirroring behaviours, so when early relationships are inconsistent or neglectful, this does not develop. This makes it difficult for children to understand when or why their actions may have upset or hurt other children.
• Hypervigilance – these children have their fight/flight mechanism constantly switched on, so they can be continually fidgeting and sensitive to noises and distraction around them consequently finding it difficult, or impossible, to concentrate on learning. They can also fly off the handle at the smallest issue, such as having their book knocked off the table.
• Difficult relationships – these children may feel that reliance on an adult is unsafe, so they show hostility towards a teacher or, alternatively are clingy to a teacher, where caregiving has been inconsistent. Others may have indiscriminate affection with adults as they believe this is the way to get their needs met.
• Lying, denying or blaming others – this can be a shame-based behaviour which happens as a self-defence when shame is overwhelming for the child.
• Unable to self-regulate their emotions and behaviour – learning to control anger and other emotions is also something that develops through the interaction and experience of ‘co-regulation’ with a caregiver, where this hasn’t happened children cannot learn to self-regulate.

HOW TO SUPPORT CHILDREN WITH ATTACHMENT DIFFICULTIES

So, what can be done? As previously mentioned, our brains can be changed throughout life – they have ‘plasticity’.  At home and in schools, there are a number of strategies you can use to help these children.  Here are just a few:

First, look to address the anxiety before the behaviour. It is important that the child feels safe and secure at school. Behaviourist strategies, such as praise or ‘Time-Out’, are often not successful for these children.  This is because the child feels unworthy of praise, and so it may also destroy any trust you have developed. Additionally, they have not developed cause-effect thinking, so cannot understand sanctions relating to inappropriate behaviour.  Addressing the child’s anxiety, can help their behaviour. Using ‘Time-In’ (moving the child closer to you) rather than ‘Time-Out’ can help relieve anxiety and build security.

Create a trusting relationship by having a Key Adult for the child, creating the secure adult-child relationship the child is lacking with their mother/carer.  Bomber (2011) believes teachers can become a surrogate secure base. This key adult can thus start to help the child regulate their emotions, which is vitally important as children who are able to regulate their own emotions and responses are more popular, have fewer behavioural problems, are more emotionally stable, have fewer infectious illnesses and achieve more academically in schools (Gottman et al 2007).  Relationship-based play is a great way to start building a trusting relationship.  This is where the focus of play is on the relationship not a task (such as a jigsaw) – it is about having fun together.

Differentiate the support for each child according to their needs.  This might mean relating to the emotional age of the child, which can often be a lot lower than their chronological age.  They have missed out on early experiences, so give them the chance now. An older child playing with younger children is ok – in fact they could see it as helping the younger ones,

Use praise but make sure you are specific about what you are praising and keep it quite low key – private praise often works better than public praise.  As Geddes states (2006), “Given the brain’s potential for regeneration and growth throughout life, frequent positive feedback can also help to develop and reinforce more positive responses”.

So, now we know the importance of relationships in a child’s early development, let’s do all we can to secure the best mental health for our children. You can make a difference in someone’s life!

We also offer ‘Attachment Awareness’ training in schools  – contact us if you would like any information on this or any other training.

Reading to our children is probably the most rewarding and effective way of spending quality time and something that we should all strive to do every single day – just ten minutes at bedtime will be the best spent time of your day for the innumerable benefits to be gained. So, what are these benefits?  Why should we be investing our precious time reading to our children? And what’s the best way to do it?

Reading Develops the Parent-Child Relationship

Children feel valued when we spend time reading to them; it makes them feel special. Choosing to read with them lets them know that they are worthy of your time, thus boosting their sense of self-worth.   It’s also a calm, relaxed time when you can snuggle together and experience that warm feeling of closeness and safety.  This closeness actually has a positive effect on our brain chemicals, causing our brain to release oxytocin which, in turn, strengthens the bond; creating a positive cycle.

So, how does oxytocin work?

Oxytocin plays an important role in social bonding; it is the chemical foundation on which trust is built and it makes us care about others.  It’s released during childbirth and is responsible for the initial bond between mother and baby.  Snuggling together whilst reading also releases oxytocin which helps to strengthen the bond between you and your child.

Spending time reading with your child can also increase their appropriate behaviour and is likely to make them more compliant.  This is not only because of the improved relationship which, in itself, results in more positive behaviour, but it’s also because it allows children a much-needed opportunity to be in control.  Children don’t have many opportunities to legitimately be in control of their lives; allowing them to choose the book gives them a sense of control which, in turn, makes them more likely to be compliant when you need them to be.

Reading at bed-time makes for a better night’s sleep and should be an integral part of your bedtime routine.  The feeling of safety and security this gives them is a crucial factor in being able to sleep soundly.  This calm, relaxed closeness has benefits to you too, helping you to relax and unwind after a busy day and preparing you for the evening ahead.

Reading Develops the ‘Whole’ Child

All children are born with imaginations, which tend to peak between 3 and 6 years of age.  If not nurtured and encouraged, imagination often starts to decline when children begin their more formal education.  Reading helps nurture a child’s imagination, which, incidentally, Webster defines as: ‘the act or power of forming a mental image of something not present to the sense or never before wholly perceived in reality’.

This is exactly what children are doing when we read to them – forming a mental image of something not present.  Reading can open up whole new worlds of fantasy, in the form of characters and places.  But it can also help children to learn about things in the real world.  Having a wide variety of books available can help children learn so much about the world around them.

Reading to our children also develops their vocabulary.  When we read to our children we can choose more advanced books, with words and phraseology they may not yet have come across; we just need to stop to explain the meaning of any unfamiliar words; expanding their vocabulary, as well as their creativity.

Reading also helps to develop emotional literacy and empathy.  You can stop whilst reading to discuss how the characters might be feeling and how your child might feel in a given situation.  This helps them to understand their own feelings, as well as relate to how others might be feeling.  You can even choose specific books to talk about issues; there are lots around that deal with particular issues, such as friendship, being different, sharing.

Reading with your child helps to develop a love of reading, which is likely to last a  lifetime. This is particularly important in today’s world, where children who are bored  will often turn to technology, which, although it has many benefits, comes with its  own unique downside. Children who have a love of books and reading are likely to  turn to a book instead, which comes without all the negative aspects of technology  (but that’s a blog for another day!).

Reading Helps Children’s Academic Success

Reading is important in ALL academic subjects and research shows that children who enjoy reading do better in all subjects, not just literacy.

We’re probably all aware of its importance when it comes to writing, history, geography and science, but reading is also important for maths. In fact, there’s a very close link between literacy and maths and often when children struggle with maths, it’s because of literacy issues. Barton (2008) argues that ‘mathematics and language develop together’.

Reading has a particularly important role to play in developing children’s writing.  Not only for all the reasons stated earlier – improved vocabulary, imagination, creativity but, when you read out loud, children hear you stop at full stops and pause at commas; this attunes their ear to instinctively know where punctuation should be placed in a sentence.  Following along with you as you read let’s them see how speech marks and other forms of punctuation are used.  All this makes for better writing.

Sitting (or lying) and listening to a story helps improve children’s concentration and focus, which has obvious benefits to success in school.

The earlier you start the better. Your baby got used to the sound of your voice whilst in the womb so hearing you read a story (even if they can’t initially understand it) is soothing to them and will capture their interest.

It is also important for brain development as it helps to make those vital neuronal connections.  Infants can show an interest in books from a very early age – choose books that will survive being sucked and chewed – hard-board, vinyl or cloth.

How to Make the Most of Reading Together

Reading should be an integral part of your daily routine and should be prioritised.  The best time to read is at bedtime (for all the reasons stated above), although even better if you can read at other times during the day too.

Try not to allow other things to get in the way of reading – make it a habit that can’t be broken and always allow enough time for it to be part of the bedtime routine, it doesn’t need to take that long – just ten minutes is sufficient. Make sure that reading time isn’t interrupted; turn off the television and phone.  Lie down on the bed next to your child so that they are able to see the book as you read. If you have more than one child of similar age, you can read to them both together – one lying on either side of you (you can alternate whose bed you lie on).  If the age gap is larger, then read to each child individually, so that you can make the books age appropriate and stagger their bedtimes accordingly.

Have a variety of different types of books available and let them choose which one.  Don’t worry if they choose the same book over and over again; this is particularly common for younger children and is a way of them consolidating their learning. Young children love repetition, and being able to anticipate what’s coming next, and will begin to join in with ‘reading’ the book.

For younger children, have lots of rhyming books like those by Dr. Seuss.  Children’s ability to recognise rhyme is a predictor of later reading success, not to mention that those types of books are so much fun and children love to join in once they become familiar with them.  You can also make up your own silly rhymes and encourage your children to do so too.

Don’t be afraid to use silly voices when reading. Give different characters a different voice and make animal and engine noises too.  Children love being silly and it’s good for you too. Laughing together is also great for bonding and is a great stress reliever.

Reading to your child doesn’t have to cost much. Join the library and let your child choose from the hundreds of books available.  Charity shops are a great source of children’s books too and even the pound shop has a range of children’s books available.

Don’t limit yourself to reading actual books. Make up your own stories with your children as the main characters.  Children love being part of a story and will soon start to chip in with their own additions and embellishments – again this is great for developing their imagination.

Don’t stop reading to your children just because they become proficient readers themselves.  Reading to an older child is still important; particularly for that sense of closeness and togetherness, which we tend to have less opportunities for as our children get older.

Furthermore, as children get older their books become more interesting (for us).  There are some amazing early-teen books out there that can be enjoyed by adults just as much as by teens.   You can then read a chapter per night, rather than a whole book.  This is also good for keeping the lines of communication open with your teenager as you can discuss relevant issues arising in their books.

Well, I’ve gone on rather longer than intended but I’m such a firm believer in the importance of reading to your child. I really do think it is one of the best gifts you can give them and something that will last them a lifetime. You’re also creating memories, something that can’t be bought.  And, if you make a habit of reading to your children, then they are likely to continue the habit with their own children. So don’t delay – start today!